I’ve learned that….

* I was browsing thru some inspirational stories to share with my future students before we kick-off the year and I stumbled upon this. It’s beautifully written and I closely relate to everything mentioned. Enjoy*

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people that’s important. It’s what they do about it.

I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. (Amen to that!)

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it.

I’ve learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned that I’m getting more and more like my grandma, and I’m kinda happy about it.

I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it

I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I’m forced to choose sides even when I don’t want to.

I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned that if you don’t want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I’ve learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

I’ve learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I’ve learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned that although the word “love” can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.

-Author Unknown-

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I won’t give up on us

When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

* Coz..Giving up on us now..at this point of time would be crazy..and coz, You make me believe*

2012

Stepping into this year was scary. I had too much expectations for the new year in the past, that when I stepped into this year I had none, and it got me a lil nervous. In the past, its always about wanting to do this and that..but this year, I decided to keep it simple. No expectations, less drama. 🙂

I started this year doing something different. I clubbed. 🙂 Well, let’s face it, I’m not getting younger, so why not let loose and go party. It was done pretty ravishly. With a quick dinner, drinks and a some champagne. As 2011 drew to a close, I felt a lil choked.I felt lost, like as if walking into 2012 was the end of my comfort zone. So on the 31st, I decided to spend some alone time with God. I had to thank HIM for everything. The past, the present, the future. I prayed for my losses, my achievements, my friends-be it the close ones and the not-so-close ones, the blessed moments,the random smiles, the 2nd chances, the family-far and near. 2011 was a huge impact in my life thus far. It was the most amazing year, the year I grew up. One word: Beautiful!

So, 2012, You and me are still new friends, trying to get to know each other. Looks like there might be some good times as well. Many weddings to come this year. That scares me..a whole lot. But, I’ll pull thru. 🙂

The quiet days in the staff room

*Enough emo-stuffs..now lets get back to crazy/random shit*

So, today, I walked into office late. Happily decided to wake up and wash my hair and style it like a million times, until finally deciding to just wear it as I always do. :/ So much for trying something new.

I sit down quietly to have my coffee and then I hear a commotion somewhere at the back of the staff room. This was so random and I had to post it up here. There are 2 cleaners that come in every morning. An indian aunty and a Nepalese. Both very nice and friendly. Today however, one of the co-workers who came in decided to give them a bottle of vintage wine. lol. Dont ask me why.

The conversation went something like this.

Ms. C : Eh, come come I got something for u both.
(I dont think they understand english that well, and from where I sit, I can see how confused they look)

# And then she hands them a bottle of vintage American wine ( I know this, coz she gladly mentioned it)#

Ms. C : You can drink for Christmas and be happpppppppppy ok???

*silence…blink blink*

Ms. C: You know rite, this one must drink..(hand gestures for drinking) and then get….aiyaaa…drunk …mabuk mabuk (hand gestures for drunk)

At this I couldnt contain it any further, my head pops up and I start laughing..lol.

Ms. C: Eh, Beverlyn….Ur here..eh..eh..I didnt see u there..hehehe (nervous laugh)

Me: Yup, Im here. (wide smile). Waa, they get an early present eh?

Ms C: heheheh..ya lorrrrr…as long as they dont come in drunk..ok lorrr. Otherwise ah..I die-die ohh.

Me: heheheh, Ms C, You really made my day.

Yea, I have funny people all around me. Life’s good. 🙂

:)

Hold me closer one more time,
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,
Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes, I swam dirty waters,
But you pushed me in,
I’ve seen your face under every sky,
Over every border and on every line,
You know my heart more than I do,
We were the greatest, me and you,

But we had time against us,
And miles between us,
The heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it’s blue,
And I see my future in you,

I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I’ll do everything different,
I’ll be better to you,
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I’ll be somebody different,
I’ll be better to you,

Let me stay here for just one more night,
Build your world around me,
And pull me to the light,
So I can tell you that I was wrong,
I was a child then, but now I’m willing to learn,

But we had time against us,
And miles between us,
The heavens cried, I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it’s blue,
And I see my future in you,

I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I’ll do everything different,
I’ll be better to you,
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I’ll be somebody different,
I’ll be better to you,

Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless, I know I left you speechless,
I’ll be waiting,

I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I’ll do everything different,
I’ll be better to you,
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I’ll be somebody different,
I’ll be better to you.

Still Believing.

It’s so easy to doubt, why not start believing in something? Something that I’ve been praying for for the longest time. Sometimes when things go right, I start to wonder if something bad is around the corner. Someone told me recently that apparently, she thinks I’m a champion. Hehe. She had a conversation with me regarding my messed-up childhood which I always choose not to talk about. And somehow our conversation led to where I am today. To me, there’s a lot more to be done, a lot more heartbreaks, a lot more joy. A lot more self-discovery and a WHOLE lot more of in-depth relationship with my God. I’m not done. I dont think someone can ever be done. Growing up, I was this mean lil kid that tried to inflict as much hurt as I could on other people. Why? Coz that was my deffense..and coz Those kids had something I never had. A Dad. Well yes, now he is back..true..but those lost years will always remain empty, right? I grew up in a home which there was so much love but it just didnt get channeled well enough. My mum had it rough, and Me being young and naughty didnt help either. Looking back, I remember thinking why God punished me..why did he/she get it good..why not me? God decided to throw in a few good people in my life and my Mum’s. There were the good neighbours..who rushed over everytime I got hit by Mum due to her stress, there were the friends at school who were told by their parents that they HAD to be extra nice to me…coz I was ‘special’, there were the church community that prayed for us…and then there was this lil boy that decided he was going to be nice to me anyway. 🙂 Through all these shining stars, I am where I am today.

For someone who knows me well enough, you know that I’ll never ever come clean about my past, right? Well, being 25, Ive decided to come clean. I’m not ashamed of it, coz the very same God that I thought ‘punished’ me..is in fact the ONLY source of strenght and heck, He loves Me like crazy..Crazy, I tell you. I remember watching things happen at home..I used to run and hide at that corner and pray that I could vanish and shut the drama out. I used to cry myself to sleep..imagine being 4 and you see a whole lotta shit happening at a place where there’s suppose to be love. As I grew up, I swear there must have been an angel holding me at all those times when I felt I was alone. I swear I had God literally standing as my shield guarding me. It’s comforting to think so, isnt it?

After my dad left, things still remained a whole lot messed up at home but it eventually got better. My mum started opening up to me..and she stopped blaming herself and me for all the damage done. I never doubted that woman..NEVER. She is one effing strong woman..If you think I am..well, meet my Mum..she brought me up and that is the most hardest thing she ever did. Now, things are a whole lot better. I am in talking terms with my dad and there are times we even share jokes. Its not easy believe me..It will never be. But Im glad to say that I decided to forgive and maybe…just maybe try to forget. I’m glad he is still my dad, eventhough screwed up as things may seem, he helped bring me to the world. So yea.

Two years ago, I was approached by someone religious. She told me that I needed to let go of my past, I needed to get rid of that ‘lil Beverlyn’ deep inside which was still very hurt by the past. Unwillingly, I decided to give this session a try. The first day…I broke. I was brought back to relive the hurt, the pain that that lil 5-yr old me once went thru. I was brought back to witness whatever I did, to hear the screams, to see myself crouching down and crying. And then , she made me walk up to this kid….and hug this lil Me…comforting this kid that everything will be ok. That everything will be mended,that the Beverlyn today will be shed of her insecurities. 🙂 That whole process basically just tormented me, it really really broke me. At that same time, I fell in love, thinking that it was meant to be. God had/has other plans. HE got rid of that relationship and put my heart on a rest mode. The status must have read *Flushing-out mode*. It took me almost a year and a half to completely get over the hurts from the past. I have screwed up many relationships..be in with a special someone, friends or family, due to the past..and the insecurities I felt.

I will not say that I have COMPLETELY gotten rid of every baggage..or neither will I say that I will never get rid of it. The key here is Time..and most importantly GOD. God took away things I thought I wanted so badly in order to prepare me for bigger wonderful promises. He took many people away, knowing that I might stumble or fall in their presence. And even brought back a few to work miracles. 🙂 He told me to BELIEVE, and that, I shall. I’m blessed, every breath I take is a blessing, for I did not stray and will forever remain close to my Creator, My refuge, My strenght. He took away all my past and sprinkled gold on it to make it that much better, He made me who I am today to give back and in turn help the many who silently struggle as I once did. I wrote this, only coz I feel the need to tell you that whatever you may have gone through and/or will go through, always remember that there is a GOD who listens. He doesnt fight back, he doesnt argue, but he listens. You may think your not worthy, but you are wrong, coz He put you here coz you are amazing and He enriches your life through HIS promises. AND those my friends, are the type that will NEVER fail. Believe, and His blessings will come to you, taking away all ur hurt, all ur sorrows. 🙂

This was not easy to type-my most heartfelt and raw-est post. It took a lot to actually try to even do this, so I would appreciate if you kept your NEGATIVE comments to yourself. It’s ok if you don’t believe. 🙂

Scratchy scratch scratch

I had a shopping spree yesterday..a mini one at least, right before I met the best friend for dinner and a movie. 🙂 I decided to treat myself with a new charm bracelet. The one I got from London still means a lot to me, but this one is Vintage. 🙂 Very very pretty.

Yesterday was really a relaxing day out, like I finally could go out after work and chill. We watched “real steel” which was super awesome btw. I cherish these special moments with the Best friend, as who knows when we’ll do it again. Everybodys busy these days.

So after a really scrumptios dinner, We got into the car and realized it was raining outside. I parked in Gardens. So I flicked on the wiper and realized……………… Someone stole my wiper!!! I mean,wtf is wrong with people? That desperate ke? It will only cost u a few 10s la..omg! At first, me n Neela couldnt stop laughing…I mean, It was a pretty hillarious sight, but then as the rain got heavier..I couldnt see a damn thing. We stopped in Bangsar and tried to remove the passenger side one and try to fix it on my side..but we failed, as the wiper was screwed in. As the rain got heavier, It got worst, I really was having trouble seeing the road. So Neela had to help me look out fro danger as well. Arrgghh…so stressful! Poor Chase (thats my car’s name btw) has a permanent scratch on the windshield as the pin of the wiper kept dragging on it. How effing stupid are people la? How low can ppl sink..like really? Oh well, shit happens.

But still, yesterday was indeed a very eventful day. 🙂 I had fun and laughed till my sides hurt. Thanx Babe! 🙂